Toad’s Chorus

The president of the Republic of Aoteraroa has spoken out about the events in Papeete.

“It is of grave concern that certain sectors within Aoteraroa wish to instill terror against our neighbours.

Although it is acknowledged we have a god given right to the pacific, and that it was stolen from us by the French, English and Dutch, violence is not the answer.

The Replublic of Aoteraroa denies any involvement in this obscene terrorist act.”

A representative of President Iti promptly stepped forward upon the completion of the speech, requesting all media leave the room with no further questions.

The representative indicated a formal statement of position by International Affairs spokesman Michael Laws would be forthcoming.

Nearly three years after a nuclear bombardment that wiped out close to 90% of it’s population, Iran’s interim government has approached the UN supreme council to petition compensation.

After the failure of the Bush administration in USA to prove Iran was actually a threat, there are legal grounds under international law to seek compensation.

Unfortunately for Iran, the former United States of American is no longer culpable for previous war crimes. The Federated States of North America, which exclude New York, and most of the wasteland of the former Midwest, do not accept or acknowledge any claims on former USA policy decisions.

The reality is the only compensation of war crimes Iranian people could seek would need to be applied to the individual decision makers.

As the majority of them were killed in the 2007 coup, it is unlikely they will be able to find justice.

World president Stephen Fry II has made a emergency statement on the pacific situation.

“To the people of earth, this tragedy in Papeete leaves me feeling distraught.

I wish to assure you all that all attempts at communication with the militant group “North Side Skunks”, who claimed responsibility shortly after the event are progressing well.

We are assured by our mediators that this is a one off event, and that the people involved have not intention of continuance of their violent and terrorism.

Rest assured I intent to ensure the safety of all citizens of the free world to the best of my ability.”

A press consultant advised that frequent updates would be available on the international news system Twitter.

“The Post Card Killer” was thought to been close to capture. However, an elite police team sent to “down below” in New York were routed by a vicious attack. Five officers were killed, two others escaped with serious injuries.

They have been killed.

Officials have stated that the two remaining officers were killed at Harlem Hospital overnight. Each having a postcard placed between clenched teeth with “Cya” written on it. The word has always been written in an Old English cartography script in the victim’s blood. Experts have indicated it appears the words have been written with an traditional, although dated, fountain pen.

At this time there is no further information available.

“The Post Card Killer” has kept New York on it’s toes for close to a decade.

Previously thougt to be an isolated serial killer, the apparent copy cat killing in Hyde Park is being investigated independently.

Senior Sergeant Janice Mills of London Metro Police stated “Although this incident appears similar to those in New York, it is most likely a copy cat, and is being treated as such. There is no association between the Hyde Park victim and New york Victims”

At this stage, we have no further information.

Today is a sad day in New York.

After seven years, “The Post Card Killer” was thought to be close to capture. Authorities believed the killer had been traced to “down below”. “down below” is the unofficial name of the sub-city formed after the fires of 2002 post terrorist attack riots that largely destroyed New York and resulted in close to two hundred thousand deaths.

An elite squad of police was sent down based on leads from reliable informants.

It was expected they would return with the killer in custody.

Today, only two of the original squad returned, one with horrific facial injuries, and the other seriously injured. Harlem Hospital Center reported the second officer was in a serious but stable condition, and should be able to speak to his superiors sometime tomorrow.

The bodies of the other five members have yet to be recovered. However, as the two officers were pulled from the entry to “down below” near Harlem Hospital, an eye witness heard the less wounded officer screaming: “They are all dead, he killed them all, he knew we were coming. Oh my god, he killed them all.”

Officials have yet to confirm or deny the fatalities.

For the last six months, New York has been held to ransom as the serial killer known as “The Post Card Killer” has had a free range across the city, and possibly state.

With close to 70 victims in the last seven years, “The Post Card Killer” has become one of the most prolific and well documented serial killers in history. For every victim, a simple postcard from the location has been found. The card has been clamped between lock jawed teeth as each victim has died in a state of drug induced terror.

Each of the postcards has had a simple identifying mark. “Cya” The word has always been written in an Old English cartography script in the victim’s blood. Experts have indicated it appears the words have been written with an traditional, although dated, fountain pen.

Police now believe the killer has been tracked to “down below”, a subterranean “sub-city” below New York itself.

Few ever venture there, and the police seldom patrol even the higher levels of the old city formed after the fires of 2002 reconstruction.

Be assured we will be following up on this lead in our next report about “The Post Card Killer”. Reporter Toad Stool will be risking their life as they seek to make contact with those who live below.

Rogue art dealer Ron Coles has now got a lot more to worry about.

After entering into a deal, promising to sell artworks for cash creating a simple but effective money laundering scheme.  However, after his disappearing act, the artwork is nowhere to be found, nor is the large sums of cash the bikers handed over.

Stealing a million dollars from criminals will most likely end up outting Coles to an early grave.

Coles is likely to have more concern about the bikers on his tail than the overstretched law enforcement officials who have pretty much said they are too busy to track him down. The bikers however will not stop until he is found, and “taken for a little ride”.

Coles has been playing a game of cat-and-mouse with an angry hoard of investors for months.  It is now a race for who will get to him first.

People are very strange. On one side you have those that trust no one, then you have the victims like those Ron Coles has defrauded.

Coles’s Kenthurst gallery barely covered a third of the money owed to ANZ back, reaching AU$1.32 million at auction on Friday. ANZ won’t really like the fact, since they are owed a tidy AU$3.4 million. Someone must have checked the security value surely? Or are banks in the habit of providing that much credit without confirmation of security? Would wanring bells have gone off earlier has their processes been better?

Australian Securities and Investment Commission aren’t really interested, and have ceased their investigation, and the police are not really going to folow up unless there is proof of at least AU$500,000 in fraud.

Jirsch Sutherland, the bankruptcy trustee, had the joyful task of telling the creditors it was likely Ron Coles would get away without any criminal charges. These investors will more than likely be pretty bewildered by all of this. Particularly as the police gave the reason for withdrawing investigations as simply a lack of resources. Pretty shocking really.

A police spokesman said: “A claimant-funded civil investigation by the receiver could assist. However, the criminal investigation will now be conducted by police regardless of the outcome of the claimant-funded investigation.”

So that’s pretty much the only option for the saga to be resolved. Civil courts for what is obviously criminal activities.

As for the artwork involved, they are poping up all over the place, and as multiple people “own” them, it’s going to get very very messy.

The big question is where Ron Coles is. How long can he hide?  And just how much money did he make from his AU$30 million scheme.