Toad’s Chorus

The president of the Republic of Aoteraroa has spoken out about the events in Papeete.

“It is of grave concern that certain sectors within Aoteraroa wish to instill terror against our neighbours.

Although it is acknowledged we have a god given right to the pacific, and that it was stolen from us by the French, English and Dutch, violence is not the answer.

The Replublic of Aoteraroa denies any involvement in this obscene terrorist act.”

A representative of President Iti promptly stepped forward upon the completion of the speech, requesting all media leave the room with no further questions.

The representative indicated a formal statement of position by International Affairs spokesman Michael Laws would be forthcoming.

Nearly three years after a nuclear bombardment that wiped out close to 90% of it’s population, Iran’s interim government has approached the UN supreme council to petition compensation.

After the failure of the Bush administration in USA to prove Iran was actually a threat, there are legal grounds under international law to seek compensation.

Unfortunately for Iran, the former United States of American is no longer culpable for previous war crimes. The Federated States of North America, which exclude New York, and most of the wasteland of the former Midwest, do not accept or acknowledge any claims on former USA policy decisions.

The reality is the only compensation of war crimes Iranian people could seek would need to be applied to the individual decision makers.

As the majority of them were killed in the 2007 coup, it is unlikely they will be able to find justice.

World president Stephen Fry II has made a emergency statement on the pacific situation.

“To the people of earth, this tragedy in Papeete leaves me feeling distraught.

I wish to assure you all that all attempts at communication with the militant group “North Side Skunks”, who claimed responsibility shortly after the event are progressing well.

We are assured by our mediators that this is a one off event, and that the people involved have not intention of continuance of their violent and terrorism.

Rest assured I intent to ensure the safety of all citizens of the free world to the best of my ability.”

A press consultant advised that frequent updates would be available on the international news system Twitter.

Toad’s Chorus has been alerted to an outbreak of AXLPI-Z, scientifically called Anthrax Leprosy Pi – Ebola Hybrid.

At this stage we have confirmed 67,000 deaths in the last hour.

West of Sealy, south of Brenham and north of Louise is under military quarantine.

A statement from the local military governor is expected shortly.

Authorities request all civilians stay away from the Houston area until further notice.

A fire in the Tahitian capital of Papeete has killed 200 or more people.

Details are still coming through, but it appears the fire was the result of a small militant group based out of the Republic of Aoteraroa.

Will provide updates as they become available.

Coming soon. Expose: Marcus Edorian – President of New York

The first personal interview with Marcus Edorian, the first president of New York

September 11, 2001. A devastating event in America’s history.

Several thousand died. And many tens of thousands were affected.

Then came Marcus Edorian. The charismatic leader of “New York”. A self proclaimed leader of the people, for the people. The first Black American since Martin Luther King to get people to sit up and take notice.

The collapse of local government, and introduction of martial law in New York resulted in many feeling less than “American”. People were hurting. They were hungry. Cold. Power was off, water was intermittent, and food was limited. New York was closed off.

The Bush government had isolated all of New York while a formal enquiry was undertaken. Until complete, New York was essentially a prison.

People from New York don’t generally appreciate being controlled. People stirred from their complacency and eventually tried to be heard. By this time the war on the “Axis of Evil”, Bush’s bizarre justification for aggression had begun.

The powers in control reacted to these voices with bloody precision. Peaceful riots were countered with violence not seen since Tianoman Square.

People from New York don’t generally appreciate being controlled.

The protests escalated to an all out war. Many thousands died, and eventually a peace accord was reached. By that time most of New York was in flames. As in times pasts, a new city was built over the old. But the old was still there. “down below”.

A place few sensible visited, and only those with no where else, lived. A place of harsh social justice, a sub culture where outsiders are shunned.

The home of “The Post Card Killer”

Today is a sad day in New York.

After seven years, “The Post Card Killer” was thought to be close to capture. Authorities believed the killer had been traced to “down below”. “down below” is the unofficial name of the sub-city formed after the fires of 2002 post terrorist attack riots that largely destroyed New York and resulted in close to two hundred thousand deaths.

An elite squad of police was sent down based on leads from reliable informants.

It was expected they would return with the killer in custody.

Today, only two of the original squad returned, one with horrific facial injuries, and the other seriously injured. Harlem Hospital Center reported the second officer was in a serious but stable condition, and should be able to speak to his superiors sometime tomorrow.

The bodies of the other five members have yet to be recovered. However, as the two officers were pulled from the entry to “down below” near Harlem Hospital, an eye witness heard the less wounded officer screaming: “They are all dead, he killed them all, he knew we were coming. Oh my god, he killed them all.”

Officials have yet to confirm or deny the fatalities.

For the last six months, New York has been held to ransom as the serial killer known as “The Post Card Killer” has had a free range across the city, and possibly state.

With close to 70 victims in the last seven years, “The Post Card Killer” has become one of the most prolific and well documented serial killers in history. For every victim, a simple postcard from the location has been found. The card has been clamped between lock jawed teeth as each victim has died in a state of drug induced terror.

Each of the postcards has had a simple identifying mark. “Cya” The word has always been written in an Old English cartography script in the victim’s blood. Experts have indicated it appears the words have been written with an traditional, although dated, fountain pen.

Police now believe the killer has been tracked to “down below”, a subterranean “sub-city” below New York itself.

Few ever venture there, and the police seldom patrol even the higher levels of the old city formed after the fires of 2002 reconstruction.

Be assured we will be following up on this lead in our next report about “The Post Card Killer”. Reporter Toad Stool will be risking their life as they seek to make contact with those who live below.